I've suffered with depression and anxiety ever since I was a teenager and over the years I've learnt ways of coping with it and what works for me. I'm not perfect at it and I still sometimes have days or weeks at a time where I get massively affected by it and it really just knocks the wind from beneath me. At 21 weeks it happened again and before I'd realised it I had let so many things pile on top of me that my normal way of coping wasn't working and something needed to give. So I ended up signed off of work for 3 weeks. I always knew going into pregnancy that I was going to be high risk for postpartum depression and I'd planned to be very alert for the signs once baby was here. However no one had ever mention the possibility of antenatal depression and so I really didn't see it coming. Now I can look back on what triggered it I can understand why I fell so deeply into a depressive space but at the time I spiralled so quickly I couldn't comprehend what was happening. I'm planning on writing a separate blog post soon about antenatal depression so keep an eye out for that!
Other than the mental challenges of the second trimester I did generally feel okay. I started to look as pregnant as I felt and that filled me with confidence and I loved showing off my bump whenever I could. I wasn't exactly full of energy but I could still do my 8/9 hour shifts without any real issues. This was also the time that I felt my little man kicking for the first time which was amazing. I was expecting a movie moment where I felt it for the first time and stopped whatever I was doing to admire it. That didn't happen. Instead I had no idea what I was feeling and whether it was him kicking/moving or if I had just imagined it in my head. Typical overthinker for you.
We also had our 20 week scan which was incredible. We were very lucky that our scan was before covid-19 was a thing and so Jack was allowed in with me; I honestly think he might have found a way to sneak in if he wasn't! I really wasn't bothered about whether we found out the gender or not but Jack was very adamant that he wanted to know so we did! So many people had opinions on even that minor detail! People really do have an opinion on everything when it comes to babies! Some people told us they were glad they waited as they loved the surprise and others advised that they wished they'd found out as in the chaos of birth they actually forgot or didn't pay attention to the sex and had to ask again once they'd calmed down. I'm actually glad we found out in the end as I think it would have driven me mad not knowing and again with everyone's opinion on my bump being that it was likely a girl it would have been a massive shock to then give birth and finding it out it was in fact a boy!
The main purpose of the 20 week scan though is to rule out any anomalies and make sure baby is healthy and growing well. We found out that our little bean's kidney was measuring a bit larger than it should have been which is apparently more common in boys than girls. We were reassured that it wasn't something to worry about and that they would be keeping an eye on it with another scan at 32 weeks and once again when he was born. We had everything explained to us and were made to feel reassured straight away. Honestly the care I received at the scans was second to none.
So just because everyone tells you that the second trimester is the best one and you'll feel amazing - doesn't mean it's true for everyone! Pregnancy is a weird thing and is so different for so many people! Next is the third trimester which saw the start of covid-19 and lockdown so keep your eyes peeled for that post soon!
Zoe xx
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