So I guess you've probably heard there's a pandemic going on?? And I'm sure like me you've lost count how many times you've heard the word coronavirus since January and are wondering if it's quite possibly the most spoken word to have ever existed. And also like me you might have had a rather rude awakening to the fact that inside isn't as much fun as I thought it would be! My teenage dream of staying indoors, not interacting with the world, watching crap TV and eating endless amounts of rubbish has been realised and I'm left with somewhat of a bitter taste in my mouth (although with the amount of chocolate I have consumed I'm surprised my tongue knows what bitter tastes like anymore). But it has to be done and I guess it gives me a chance to do all those odd jobs I never managed to find time for before...
Oh wait! I'm 9 months pregnant so all those obscure odd jobs I kept putting off are mostly unachievable for me right now! Especially given that waddling from one room to the other is enough of a workout to make me need to sit down for half an hour! Okay so I'm exaggerating a little but honestly as the weeks have progressed I have found I have less and less energy to do anything. Boris announced back in March that all pregnant women were now to be classed as "at risk" and honestly since then it's been a bit of a whirlwind experience for me. Naturally I had friends and family messaging me to inform me of the update and check on me and honestly I felt like it was all a massive overreaction. Obviously I massively appreciate my circle of support and their concerns, I just felt it was all a bit unnecessary especially given that there was no evidence whatsoever to suggest that pregnant women were more likely to catch the virus compared to others.
However my workplace did not see it this way and called me the next day to tell me I was to isolate for 2 weeks. I was gutted as at the start of the year I had 3 weeks off of work due to mental health issues and felt me being stuck inside again would make all the progress I had made redundant. However I knew it was for the best of me and my babys health and that I'm incredibly lucky to be in the position I'm in with work and pay. The only issue I had was deciding what to do with myself for 2 weeks and making sure I was keeping my mental health in check. Then on the Friday of the same week it was announced that all non-essential shops were to close and so all of our UK stores shut down operating and we were all told to stay home until further notice. Again, we've been incredibly fortunate in that our company is willing to pay us full pay and I honestly could not be more grateful to not have to stress about money at a time like this. I know so many people who are having to worry and struggle about these things and my heart really does go out to them.
Honestly I thought the constant staying inside would have affected me more deeply and quicker than it has so far. Today is my 59th day in lock down and yes of course there have been days where I have cried because all I want to do is go outside, see friends and family or even just go to work but given that I'm 9 months pregnant, have previous mental health issues and live in a flat I think I'm doing okay. Honestly the hardest part is watching people I loved breaking isolation rules because for some reason they don't apply to them. They can go to their families houses and see people they don't live with and when you question them on it it just ends in an argument or them leaving the group chat. I honestly think it's more frustrating to see people from your inner circle doing these things than someone you don't know. Although that is still frustrating as hell. What makes you and your mates so special and so entitled that you get to do what you want whilst the rest of us sacrifice so much?
I was 29 weeks pregnant when I went into lockdown. I'm now 37. And the amount of small things I've missed out on is incredible. No one other than Jack has felt my baby move. No friends or family. I couldn't have my baby shower that I was planning on having this month. I haven't been able to have maternity photos taken. I have to attend scans and midwife appointments alone. I genuinely thought our baby was in serious trouble a few weeks ago due to him not moving at all and I had to sit in the hospital on my own, scared out of my mind whilst Jack sat in the car, equally as terrified and not knowing what was going on. When I go into labour I will initially attend the hospital on my own until it's determined I'm in established labour and then Jack is allowed to join me for the birth but as soon as I go to the postnatal ward he has to leave until I'm discharged; whether that is the same day or 2 weeks later he won't see me or the baby again until I leave the hospital. Yes these are all sensible measures and I understand and appreciate why they're in place but what I don't understand is how if couples can follow guidelines and potentially miss out on experiencing some or all of their first born being brought into this world then why can't people stay at home or 2 metres away from others? Is it really that difficult?
Mine is just one experience amongst thousands of others and whilst we all face the same storm we are all in different boats and sometimes we need to remember that. I know my struggles are nothing compared to some but that does not diminish them in any way. They are still valid to me just as your struggles are valid to you and anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is no friend. Who knows when this will all end and we can all embrace our loved ones again but for now lets work on supporting each other through it. Some days we need more support than we can give and others it's the opposite. But if we all join together then we can give and receive all the support we need through this crazy journey!
Zoe xx
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